


Silly Humans

by Drift



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Bad Advice, Bad Flirting, Courting Rituals, Developing Relationship, F/M, Funny, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Advice, astrid will kill you hiccup, please don't listen to toothless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 22:29:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20731718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drift/pseuds/Drift
Summary: Toothless POW - Humans, especially the ones around him, were acting very strange. And when it came to courting each other? Just horrible!





	Silly Humans

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2012 and just stumbled upon it while doing stuff… I skimmed over it and decided I love how Toothless turned out so I changed some very obvious mistakes and now it’s here :D 
> 
> A fair warning: This was my first HTTYD fanfiction and will probably be the only one I ever write.

I, Toothless as the humans call me, didn't get them. But then, that was nothing new. These mammals were always so very strange. Sometimes I wondered if they even had any instincts at all and if not; how did they manage to survive? It was a mystery to me. And right now my favorite human and his maybe-soon-to-be mate were the reason of my newest marveling. It was already very strange that Hiccup brought more food than the human himself needed… he even had fish for me! It was strange because I am a grown up Night Fury and no little hatching anymore. I am more than capable to hunt my own food and I am pretty sure the human didn't do it to court me... at least I hope so. I certainly don’t smell like a female and am not of his kind… so reproduction wouldn’t even work out. He seems smart enough to know _that_. And _his_ smell every time the human female Astrid was close, was a sure indication that he was rather interested in _her_ not me. '_But then, why complain? Why not enjoy it?_’ I told myself and stopped wondering and just enjoyed the offered fish.

But now things started to get even stranger! The young male _received_ food from the female. She brought these… things once in a while... Smelling sweetish and from time to time even bitter or burned. Sometimes the foods were small and sometimes bigger. That it was food was clear, even though the strange smells, because Hiccup always ate what Astrid brought him... or at least he pretended to. They sat together, talked and ate together. A few times he just threw the things under the table or after the female was gone he tried to feed them to me. "Here, maybe _you_ like that," he would offer. Of course I didn't eat it. _'Why should I even try that when I got tasty fish in the basket besides me?' _I signaled him, still not sure if he got it. He still tried it from time to time. Never succeeding. 

Besides the food offerings, the two humans didn't get any closer to becoming mates. One night my human came back from Astrid; I could still smell her on him. Still he didn't seem too happy, so no success again, no mating done. And then, instead of going to bed he brought me a very nice and big salmon and sat down beside me, leaning on my side. What I didn't mind at all, humans had a very nice body temperature after all. Happily downing my offered fish I licked my mouth and teeth before I retracted them again. After that I started grooming Hiccup, because while I didn't mind him close, I really could not understand why humans gave so little attention to their personal hygiene. It was horrible, really... _'The way you smell no one would eat you at least,' _I offered while I was cleaning him. Thankfully he had finally stopped protesting after realizing it was futile. Still, something was different today, he just sat there huffing like I did when I was still hungry but all my food was already eaten. I gave him a questioning gaze. _'What is it, boy?' _And wondered if I should offer him half of the salmon again, it was not digested yet... but then he just leaned further back on me, closed his eyes and started talking.

"You know what, Toothless? I wish I were you!" he groaned.

_'Of course you would wish that! I am a mighty Night Fury and you are... well, a tiny, spindly mammal' _I huffed. 

"You don't have any duties, are happy with just food, rest and flight, no problems with being the next village leader because your dad is being pushy, no problems with girls, or growing up, or… anything!" Hiccup declared, opening his eyes again, flailing with his sticky arms in the air like a hatchling who made his first wing-flaps. I didn't understand half of the things he said. What I understood was, that he did have problems with a lot of things. Maybe that held him off courting properly… or being courted, whatever. _'Easy, human... see it's no wonder things are so complicated, you should do one thing after another! Not all at once, that's stupid,' _I told him, giving him a small smack with my tail tip.

"Haha, yes Toothless I know, you have it hard enough being the only Night Fury and stuff, I should not complain so much, being a Viking and all... And don't assume I can get any tips from you, huh?" he mused. I didn't understand why he assumed there would not be other Night Furies besides me, of course there were, we just had rather big territories, unlike humans who lived crowded up on such a small place. But that was not the point here anyways. The point was, that he did fail to get his genetics spread, and that he didn't seem to listen to me!

But he did ask me for advice again, didn't he? How could I deny it? So I started thinking and contemplating why everything was so stressful for my human and I came to one conclusion: They were doing it all wrong! By now I was rather sure that they had lost all their instincts! Poor, stupid humans. First of all it was the male who had to bring the food to the female - unlike how it happened between Hiccup and Astrid.

Then the presents should be considered and if worthy; eaten. _If_ an offer was accepted. That should not happen too easy anyways, not like Hiccup did it with the things Astrid gave him and he didn’t even wanted to eat. If they had to do it the wrong way around he at least could show that the offering was bad! Like this he just sent mixed signals to the female, no wonder they didn't move on... '_Poor Astrid must be confused by you all the time'_ I muttered and poked him in the side with a leg. He just gave me a look. "What was that for?"

_'Oh, sure you know what that was for Hiccup!'_

I signaled back, huffing at him and thought on, trying to find other mistakes in their courting behavior and ways to poin them out to my human

.


End file.
